Do your evenings feel exhausting and chaotic? Start Here
Are you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually fried at the end of the day? My friend I have been there too and I get it. The kids are whining, dinner needs to be cleaned up, the house is a disaster, you’re unsure if anyone has clean clothes to wear tomorrow and the animals are looking at you with sad eyes because they knocked a full cup of milk off the table. Yep. Evenings are exhausting with little ones. Everyone is tired, messes seem the messiest and have accumulated throughout the day, and you just want everyone to go to bed so you can sit in silence for 5 minutes. This post has gentle and practical ideas to help you map out an evening rhythm that works for your family. No pressure, nothing that you need to go and buy, and you can start this tonight at your own pace.
Why Evenings Feel So Hard
Everyone has been trying to keep it together all day long. Your introverted kid has been keeping it together in school and you have been keeping it together despite constant stimulation and a never ending mental load. Maybe someone is also getting over an illness at home or it’s been an especially busy week and there are toy/laundry/general clutter piles everywhere.
By the time 5pm rolls around, everyone’s nervous system is likely dysregulated and in need of a serious break. Our busy and overstimulating lives (email notifications, texts, running to evening and weekend activities, blue light exposure at night, etc) rarely allow us time to pause and settle our nervous systems into a parasympathetic state. If you have noticed that night time is particularly hard for you or your family, you are not alone! You are a normal person living in a highly stimulating and excessively loud world. This post will outline some tips and tricks to decrease some of the stress associated with the busy lifestyles most of us lead.
What a “Reset” Actually Means
When I use the term reset I am not talking about a whole house cleaning packed in after the kids go to bed. I have done that (I remember mopping my floor at like 10pm completely exhausted-bad idea!) and it usually is a recipe for burnout and exhaustion. Here is what the reset is NOT:
- A room by room rigid clean
- Catching up on a week’s worth of chores in 1 night
- Cleaning for hours
- Having a perfect show worthy home before bed
My nightly rhythm and reset instead involves gentle tidying activities that set yourself up for success, the next morning, as well as a calming ritual to signal to your body that sleep is near. This involves some simple and repeatable tasks that will get the most used areas of your home functional again. The goal is NOT perfection or sparkling appliances. The goal is being able to find what you need, generally know where things are, and have less visual clutter itching your brain (anyone else get that feeling!?) If you’re inclined, you can add a decluttering session if your energy is up for it one night. Check out my easy trash night decluttering hack for more tips on this.
Our Evening Anchors (Flexible!)
Generally I think about our evening as
- Family Dinner
- Dinner Clean up and Playtime
- Gentle Pre-Bed Routine (Bath, songs, cozy PJs, dimming lights, no more food)
- Bedtime for kids
- Gentle Evening reset/tidy
- Cup of tea (or ritual of choice) before bed
Let’s break this down even further. And remember this is a guide not a rigid schedule. Switch things out, skip a step, do what works for your family.
Family dinner-we try to do family dinner most nights we are able to. As a nurse I work 12 hour shifts so on the days I work, that obviously can’t happen but my husband will sit down and have dinner with the kids. Dinner does not need to be fancy. Some night we enjoy yummy home cooked meals and other nights we’re doing scrambled eggs and toast or yogurt with jelly because that’s what works for us.
Dinner Clean up and Playtime-after dinner usually one of us starts cleaning up the kitchen while the other takes the kids upstairs to play in the playroom. In the summer when it is still light out we take them outside. We ask our kids to scrape their plates and put them in the sink (it doesn’t happen every night but we are working towards this). Ideally we will work towards involving them more with sweeping and cleaning up the dinner table, etc as they grow.
Gentle pre-bed routine-this is to cue your kid’s bodies that sleep is coming soon. This can be quietly playing with a stuffed animal, listening to an audiobook (we LOVE our Yoto audiobook player for kids), drawing, getting a bath. If you are able to dim lights and turn off all screens this will help with the wind down! I would also recommend no more food as this can also impact sleep for little ones.
Bedtime for kids-You’ve made it to bedtime! We are a big family snuggle read books and a cozy tuck in. Currently all 3 of my little ones sleep in the same room with the youngest on a crib mattress we put on the floor with lots of blankets. He loves to sleep with his big siblings.
Gentle Evening Tidy/Reset-If anything else in the kitchen wasn’t completed we do this now. Prep/pack lunches for tomorrow (we prefer to do this in the evening it works for us, but I know some people prefer this in the morning. You could also prep backpacks or shoes by the door instead). Sweep the floor. See my evening tidy post for more detailed tidy specific information.
Tea ritual-after our tidy reset, it’s tea time with my husband! Having a cup of evening tea with my husband is one of my favorite parts of the day. This is our ritual and helps signal to our bodies that sleep is coming. And tea is such a lovely way to wind down before bed. We usually do a decaf black tea with some milk. Nice and simple. Herbal teas are another wonderful option.
Why This Matters More Than a Perfect Routine
We all thrive in a rhythm/routine especially kids. Our bodies are cyclical and can recognize our patterns and adjust accordingly. Sleep and bedtime are improved when we are consistent (not rigid!) and try to go to bed around the same time for our little ones.
Try to keep this rhythm simple each night and hand over independence to your kids where possible. Let them pick out their own pjs and dress themselves even if they don’t aesthetically match. Trouble with teeth brushing? Try having them brush like a bat and hang off the edge of the bed. Bring a levity to these routine if possible. And if it’s a really rough bedtime (we have had many many terrible bedtimes) remember that you’re still an awesome parent, and you can reset tomorrow. Some seasons of sleep routines are awful, truly, and you are just managing to survive. An evening rhythm will not magically fix this but it will give you a repeatable framework to come back to again.
In Summary
This post is merely a framework for you to work off of and tailor to your family and needs. There is no wrong way to do evening routines or bedtimes. Consistently is greater than a perfect routine! You are a wonderful parent and you deserve a restful night that sets you up for success the next day.
If you’re looking for more simple ideas on ways to add ease into your daily life check out my no-recipe dinners post.
Be well and stay strong, parent friends!
Meg
